Strike off

I found this pretty interesting in a blog "Blossoms" , I went through recently, It's pretty interesting tag and simple. Just strike off the things that you haven't done in your life yet. Here I go :)

1. Smoked a Cigarette.
2. Got so drunk you passed out.
3. Rode every ride at an amusement park.
4. Collected something stupid.( Bus tickets!)
5. Gone to a Rock Concert. (East India Company, Kailash kher.)
6. Helped someone.(I try not to, but I do)
7. Gone fishing.
8. Watched four movies in one night. (Many times.)
9. Lied to someone.
10. Snorted cocaine.
11. Smoked weed.
12. Failed a subject. 
13. Been in a car accident.(Not car, but scooty yes. ALL THE TIME. )
14. Been in a tornado.
15. Watched someone die.
16. Been to a funeral.
17. Burned Yourself.(Not deliberately, accidentally...many times. )
18. Run a marathon.
19. Cried yourself to sleep.(Infinite nights)
20. Flown in an aeroplane.
21. Cheated on someone.
22. Been cheated on.
23. Written a 10 page letter.
24. Gone skiing.
25. Been sailing.
26. Cut yourself.(Again accidentally , often)
27. Had a best friend.(THREE)
28. Lost someone you loved.
29. Got into trouble for something you didn’t do.
30. Stolen a book from the library. 
31. Gone to a different country.
32. Watched the Harry Potter movies. 
33. Had an online diary.(Yeah! )
34. Fired a gun. ( All the time. It's fun. )
35. Gambled in a casino. 
36. Been in a school play.
37. Been fired from a job.
38. Taken a lie detector test.
39. Swam with dolphins.
40. Voted for someone on a reality TV show. 
41. Written poetry. 
42. Read more than 20 books a year. (More than that.)
43. Gone to Europe.
44. Used a colouring book over age 12. ( Oh, I love that.)
45. Had a Surgery.
46. Had stitches.
47. Taken a Taxi.
48. Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once. ( I'm a girl afterall ;) )
49. Been in a fist fight. ( Yeah with my sister. Oh, I miss it. )
50. Suffered any form of abuse.( Verbal)
51. Had a pet.
52. Petted a wild animal.
53. Had your own credit card & bought something with it.
54. Dyed your hair.
55. Got a tattoo.
56. Had something pierced. (Four ear piercings.)
57. Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS.
58. Taken pictures with a web cam.
59. Lost something expensive.
60. Gone to sleep with music on. 
    
    Whoever wants to take it up, please do. Have fun. Cheers! 

Sometimes

There are times when I want

Nay, I need 

to be alone, and just hide and cry.

And yet wishing

Someone would see my tears

And try to just

dry 'em

making them precious jems.

....And the tears come faster.

Suddenly all those memories

Lovely memories rush though my mind.

Knowingly yet unknowingly

that angel up there is sad,

because I am...

So I make my night wish

Not to God,

But to my angel.

"Take me, when my time comes,

...and may my time come...

Before my loved one's."

Every time
We are reminded
of where we are headed
despite the fact, that we can't help it.

Seasons change outside
Never to be the same,
Or to come back...
Like a tide.
So alone,
Just trying to store
Some of the memories
Of my happy diary.

So alone,
I wait.
For there is nothing to be done.
Waiting for the next disaster to strike,
Or the next memory I can strore,
Or....keep trying to forget
That I'm alone.
Right here.
Waiting,
For the painting
Full of colors
That fate might have been planing
To paint
But instead,
Sucked all the colors by a straw
leaving it, as a 'pending file'.

Oh despair! Go away!
Give joy some way.
Make life what it is meant to be.
And then. maybe,
My 'file' will be brought down that dusty shack,
and given the spark,
the splash of rainbow
filling in the cracks.

Oh yes.
I'll be happy again.



But when?

For we are never 'alone'

An evening with orange sun,
Pink ringlets in the blue-white horizon,
A bird chirping happily,
That! there is a reason to live.

A smile on a stranger's face,
Leaving a smile on my face,
Like a trace,
That! there is a reason to live.

A kid waving across the street,
Brightens the moment like
candles in darkness,
That! there is a reason to live.

A long drive
without destination.
Running out of gas,
A favorite song playing on the radio,
Buying random things on random stops,
Looking at fellow travelers,
A passing wave
On the highway
A cute guy looking for lift
That is life in a jist.
For we are never alone.
For in being alone also, there are others who are alone.
This is,
A reason to live.

An apology to self, and others

Its been three months or so since my last post, and I feel so guilty. I read one of my friend's blog today and I was so inspired to get back here and write something, just to satisfy my inner guilt. This place has been a real *escape* for me, I have not written anything these past few months because I really wasn't thinking about anything, good-bad. And it is not so because I've been super busy, it's been so because I've been ignoring everything. Yes its true.

And I confess this is not a very good reason. But really that has been the reason. The one thing that I've especially been avoiding is something this estranged person said to me. Something about me being fake, and unworthy of being me. And believe me, as much as your best friends try and convince you that you are not what they think we are not, the more curious we get. At least so has been the case with me.

Yes I have too much of ego, I don't have the ability to forgive, but I do forget...
And I should have forgotten this thing long back, but it has had a sad impact on me. There are many things I can't do, one of these many are I can't pretend. And I have been pretending. That's eating my insides! Gulping all the prospective happy moments. Because I know I have been pretending. I don't know why I keep doing it. I know it's so not me. Once started, I have continued it. And I want to end it. I have not said this to anyone. And no better place than here.

To this *estranged person*: Nothing gave you the right to say what you said to me. Not even the right to speech, because that right also has its ethical codes. Plus I have no idea what made you think the way you thought of me. I thought we'd be great friends and I hate it when people prove me wrong, but I accept it if its acceptable, but  can prove you wrong. So all I want to say is, 'm sorry we had to part ways because it has effected something that could have been avoided.

To the *un-knowingly suffering one* : I have been pretending  like nothing was wrong, but there *was* something wrong. I use was because with this piece of writing I am confessing and apologizing. I hope we never come back to this issue.

 

I Realized It Not Today

Not today,
Not yesterday,
I've been alone everyday.

And I realized it not today.

Last friends,
Down the river bends.
Made friends,
None making it to the end.

And I realized it not today.

The Jungle Girl

Ten million fire flies
Two million green lush trees
Three million fishes in the river near by
Four million autumn leaves

My Jungle.

Love, a lot of it.
Envy, not a bit.
Friends, lots of them.
Enemies, can't tolerate them.

My Jungle.

'M the Protectress.
'M the Queen.
'M the Keeper.
'M the Owner.
'M the laborer.

My Jungle.
I live in it;
and no one dare lay a finger on my sanctuary.

If I were

If I were a tree, I'd be Peepal.
If I were a plant, I'd be Cactus.
If I were a flower, I'd be Sunflower.
If I were a fruit, I'd be Strawberry.
If I were a vegetable, I'd be Bitter-Gaurd.

If I were a water body, I'd be Indian ocean
If I were a country, I'd be Mexico.
If I were a celestial body, I'd be Sun.
If I were an emotion, I'd be Passion.
I'f I were a religion, I'd be non.

If I were a drink, I'd be Vodka.
If I were a cake, I'd be chocolate with strawberry layering.
If I were a dish, I'd be Dum-Aloo
If I were a dessert, I'd be Daal ka halwa.

If I were a scent, I'd be rain-mud.
If I were a color, I'd be all of them.
If I were a dress, I'd be Saree.
If i were a shoe, I'd be flip-floppers.
If I were accessory, Id be ear-rings.

If I were a body part, I'd be eyes.
If I were a letter, I'd be 'M'.
If I were a book, I'd be 'Palace of Illusions'.
If I were a movie, I'd be Kabhi khushi kabhi ghum.
If I were a T.V. serial, I'd be F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

If I were a gizmo, I'd be a cell phone.
If I were an music instrument, I'd be Sitar.
If I were a song, I'd be 'Way back into love'.
If I were a furniture, I'd be luxurious Couch.
If I were an Ice-cream, I'd be all of them.
If I were a stone, I be ruby.
If I were an element, I'd be Platinum.

If I were a day, I'd be Wednesday.
If I were a year, I'd be 1990.
If I were a month, I'd be July.
If I were a time of the day, I'd be 24:00
If I were a season, Id be monsoon.
If I were a number, I'd be '8'.

If I were a bird, I'd be Phoenix.
If I were a insect, I'd be a fire fly.
If I were a Disney princess, I'd be Jasmine.
If I were an animal, I'd be a Lioness.
If I were a stationary, I'd be a page.
If I were a letter, I'd be 'M'.

The Everlasting Burning Flame

Karan

(Mahabharata Take #1)

O. Father

It was my luck to be your son.

But

There is a Burning fire

Inside my Heart;

Is it curiosity?

Is it doubt?  

O, the great ‘Guru’

What was my fault?

The Truth was hidden.

But

You are the Mighty;

I do not complain.

O, the great ‘Sage’

Un-aware of my Identity.

 But

True to my Virtue.

So what was MY fault?

For which I paid with my Life!

O, Dearest Friend

You gave me, what I craved for most;

You gave me the status;

You gave me the hand, to hold on to.

And all I had for you

Was

Unquestionable love and support at all times.

O, the great beauty

That walks on earth

But

Hushes me, as something below earth.

O, Mother

Why?

That’s all I can say,

Ask.

And so the everlasting flame diminishes

In the name of his true father, ‘Surya’

But

Still burns in every heart

Who

Reads the great epic;

Epic of all epics – ‘Mahabharata’.

So goes my story.

And, who am I?

I am

Eldest son of Kunti,

Un-Known brother of the Pandavas,

Un-Recognized love of Panchali,

Un-Flinching friend of Duryodhan,

So called un-worthy ‘shishya’ of Parshuram,

Un-Taught by Dronacharya,

Loved and brought up by the ‘Charioteer’.

I am Karan,

Surya putra.

[P.S. : To understand it better, read Karan’s story in ‘ MAHABHARATA.]

The Female Gaze

DISCLAIMER: This has been written on popular demand by my peers. Do not perceive me as a 'ho or 'tharkan'!  

You stand across the floor, a glass half full - half empty. Oh boy! The Reebok shoes, totally to drool over, and the blue semi – body hugging jeans…*drool*…oh, oh, oh…and the totally to die for aqua blue shirt…**I could eat you, if served on a platter** - those hands!! aa imagine them holding my face…those seemingly strong arms!! Oh baby, just pull me to you! How well this shirt defines your torso: oh imagine my hands running all over you! Ah that lop sided grin dancing on your face, so well defines it. And those side glances…oh sweet lord…! This wretched distance!

Oh poor heart! He turns…looks around, and those deeply beautiful eyes come and rest on me, that gaze is tearing me apart, taking me away, away to an ancient land…oh dear lord, pardon me for my cardinal sin…and he stares…my legs weaken. I’ll shatter into pieces if he keeps looking at me like that, and baby you could put me together with those delicate-beautiful and delicious-toxicating hands. And you come to a Holt, right in front of me! Oh, the lioness in me is ready to pounce and grab you by those sinfully-smooth-black hair of yours and kiss you right across those tempting lips…and your lips move, how wonderful would it be to lick them – oh! The delight of the thought, you are saying something but I can’t hear you, ‘m in my own fantastic world by the time I realize I’m nodding in approval of my lucrative and luring world of ‘sweet love’. And then, OH! The touch…I stare (He asks if she’d like to have a drink, while she is building her own castles of love-lust, she nods in approval of her imagination; which he takes as a yes to his question…and takes her by hand.)- and I jerk away. The thunderbolt is dropped on me , I stare, you are saying something again. I feel the sensation of your touch…I feel stupefied. I find myself saying, ‘I want a drink’, I walk in a trance…my poor-wretched heart jumping with delight. I was for water, it does not *normalize* my heartbeat, I ask for tequila…h the burning sensation, one more…I turn, one more…my eyes search for the only ecstasy of my life, ah the sight! One more, and I get up…I glide, I stand right behind him, smelling his delicious- refreshing fragrance, raising a finger I tap on his hard-well formed shoulder , he turns. Oh sweet lord! The lop sided grin. HOLD HIM BY HIS EARS, every molecule of my body is screaming…rip me to shreds. And I grab him. Oh, the maddening sensation. Every touch surprises me. Somewhere…far away…a song started…

            **Take me away, take me away

                 to a secret place…**

A kind of serenity befalls me, you toxicate me, oh baby – oh baby! And before I know what exactly I feel, I feel a oblivion surrounding me!!

  

The Search

A Sleep

A Dream

A wake up call
That's all it takes.

I found so many things
With that my search starts
...for more than i dream of
This marks the beginning.

And yet
the tinge of doubt entangles me
...into it's treacherous web;
My path thus wavers
Not one
Not two
But too many choices to choose from.

Will I get what I want?
How will I get it?
Where will I get it?
WHEN will I get it?


WHAT is it that i want??

....and the search continues....