Solving the Past

The feeling that I dread the most is:

Loneliness.

The very thought of it makes me feel

Alone.

All this while

I kept questioning.

Why do people I love

cast me out of their life?

To this there is NO answer.

And when recently I lost another person,

I thought, why am I not feeling the loss?

Probably I saw it coming.

Probably I myself allowed it to happen.

Probably the person was NOT mine,

thus how could I loose him/her?

It is hard to let go somebody you love.

But I realised probably neither of us could ever be happy

if we stayed together.

This feeling of loosing did not fall on me like a bomb.

It was more like dusk.

I knew it was going to happen,

I knew I could not prevent it,

I knew it is the right thing.....because

I realised that person never reciprocated my feelings.

And when I turn to my past

I understand I myself never really felt the way I thought I felt!

That was complicated.

Another thing, the feeling was not complicated.

It was I who made the whole situation so complicated.

No. I am not talking about any boyfriend.

I lost a Best Friend.

Whom 'I' thought was my Best Friend,

but finally realized it was NEVER so.

For the first time I am not sad for such a thing.

Know why?

Because I, myself never thought she/he was my Best Friend.

Deep down in my heart I knew this relationship is fake,

but was afraid of acknowledging the truth.

And today I have the naked truth dancing in front of my eyes!

I still talk to her

but

not the same way.

The bogus feeling still exists.

No we are not friends any more....

We are just...

someone....