An apology to self, and others

Its been three months or so since my last post, and I feel so guilty. I read one of my friend's blog today and I was so inspired to get back here and write something, just to satisfy my inner guilt. This place has been a real *escape* for me, I have not written anything these past few months because I really wasn't thinking about anything, good-bad. And it is not so because I've been super busy, it's been so because I've been ignoring everything. Yes its true.

And I confess this is not a very good reason. But really that has been the reason. The one thing that I've especially been avoiding is something this estranged person said to me. Something about me being fake, and unworthy of being me. And believe me, as much as your best friends try and convince you that you are not what they think we are not, the more curious we get. At least so has been the case with me.

Yes I have too much of ego, I don't have the ability to forgive, but I do forget...
And I should have forgotten this thing long back, but it has had a sad impact on me. There are many things I can't do, one of these many are I can't pretend. And I have been pretending. That's eating my insides! Gulping all the prospective happy moments. Because I know I have been pretending. I don't know why I keep doing it. I know it's so not me. Once started, I have continued it. And I want to end it. I have not said this to anyone. And no better place than here.

To this *estranged person*: Nothing gave you the right to say what you said to me. Not even the right to speech, because that right also has its ethical codes. Plus I have no idea what made you think the way you thought of me. I thought we'd be great friends and I hate it when people prove me wrong, but I accept it if its acceptable, but  can prove you wrong. So all I want to say is, 'm sorry we had to part ways because it has effected something that could have been avoided.

To the *un-knowingly suffering one* : I have been pretending  like nothing was wrong, but there *was* something wrong. I use was because with this piece of writing I am confessing and apologizing. I hope we never come back to this issue.

 

Friendship goes 'off-the-wall'

Warning :This post is absolutely random.

Why do sometimes friends make you feel that YOU are not their friend? Why do friends make you feel alone in traffic? Why is there always a feeling that whenever or wherever you'll turn there 'swine-flu' waiting for you and you cannot be saved?

WHY are these useless questions popping on your mind when your 'supposed' best friend is 'supposed' to be there ALL the time for you?

Well I have no idea why I am writing this but I guess now that I don't have enough courage to blurt out whatever I want to say I'll use my blog to do my work. Usually I go ahead and say whatever I want to say on the person's face. But after a long long time I feel I cannot do my best part! So here I go...I won't mention any name as I am considering that the person I am referring is going to read this SOME day and won't take it badly (the later part is what that is bothering me the most).

Ohkay we don't meet 'everyday', ohkay we are no more in 'same class' or anywhere near it that is to say not even in same college..and don't mind me saying this it's fine with me that I am not as intelligent as you are, but how does it affect our friendship? As I know it is being affected. I have no idea how you feel about me now, you've become so unpredictable these days. I wonder weather you feel the same or not. I am not saying that I might not have changed, I might have as a matter of fact. But what I am questioning is how does all this matter in the end? We were supposed to friends, right? You were supposed to tell me everything first hand. You were supposed to tell me every time whenever you felt down. But you never did, saying that you don't tell people about your feelings...well when did you start counting me in 'people'? Wasn't I your best friend?

Even a simple message or missed call would have sent the message across that you were not fine or whatever the problem might have been! Alright I am what everyone says 'a kanjoos' but believe me whenever my friends have needed me I've always called! There is a whole lot more to say but I guess I put across the message quite clearly for the time being. I don't know what exactly makes me feel the way I do right now, but there are a whole lot of things.

I have not the minutest of idea how are you going to feel when you read this, I know all this is pretty rash...but I just felt doing this as I cannot say it on your face. So please forgive me for everything I said, and for whatever I did tho make you behave the way you do towards me.

Sorry, yet again.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Tied with a golden thread

Strengthened with love

Brighter than the sun ray

That's friendship.

Unconditional love

Never ending hope

A true hearts' wish

That's friendship.

Enchanting

Fantastic

Exquisite

Cherished

Marvelous

are some words that 'may' describe F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Happy Friendships Day to all my friends.

Long live 'US'.

The Golden Friends...with a touch of gray.

Open your eyes

come out in the twilight

Drain in the beauty

and prepare yourself

for the

New Moon tomorrow night.

Dear 'S'

I know how you feel, but can you stop being an ass for ONCE? Why are you so determined to ruin yourself? Can't you see? We are better off without those freaking bitches!

Dear Bitch 'A'

Why the hell do you always want to prove me wrong? There are better ways to speak YOUR mind! But NO you HAVE to make me look like a donkey in a horse race!

Dear Fucking Bitch 'S'

Yes of course there are better ways to make someone understand, but here we are talking about YOU! You are not someone! So now do you get the point?

Dear 'A'

Of I do. You always catch me on my fall.

It is not easy to define friendship. But in all my experiences with friends these were the weirdest (if that is a word, which I doubt). They are the most fascinating pair of friends I've ever seen (though I must say I have not seen much). They are the best of friends, and guess what they are each others worst enemies. I am not sure if I am right in saying that, but so it seems. But what ever may come they have been there for each other, always.

A Unicorn Shines

It's blood saves lives.

A phoenix burns to

Come back to life.

A Centure reads the sky

to unfold the future.

A Creative soul

lives, burns and unfolds

the mystery of Thee.

There's is the best relationship I've ever seen. They are like two different souls yet same. It is like having a best friend, and everything that is not a 'best friend'. I won't leak the names, because if I do I might just betray their trust. Well it is one of my stupid superstitions.

A Beautiful Mind

is hard to find.

A Caring Heart

is always heard.

A Helping Hand

is not slippery as sand.

A creative Soul

is like a morning song.

I love the two creative souls even if I always say I do not. The touch of gray just adds to the spark they create.You two are like the splashes of the cold water in this freaking summer that just adds to the enjoyment list.

[P.S. : TOUCHWOOD]

Congratulations!

This one is for you Appu Buddy!

I've been meaning to write this for a long time now, but you know the same old thing. I was waiting for the right moment to come, though I did not know what or when exactly this right moment was going to be. Now that you are nearing your 100th post on your blog I want you to know how proud I feel of you. I started my blog before you did and yet I am not done with my 50th blog post! And you are on the verge of hitting a century! That to with quality and NO rubbish. I've enjoyed reading every peace that you've written. I can't say all but MANY of them are heart's favourite. I am never going to be as good as you are, well we can't even put our works in the same league either, your works are so GROOVY, I am just a greenhorn!

I hold you as a 'True Believer' writter, everything that you wrote came directly from your heart whether it be those songs, tags, poems, convos, etc. Everything just made me understand you even better. Though I mus add here I knew most of them if not all, hope you agree.

We did not meet as often as we used to, I was afraid I might loose, yet again, another best buddy. But we stuck..lol...to this the blog of yours has contributed a lot!

I congratulate not only you but your blog -'Crazy Beginnings' on your 100th-post-birthday!(L.M.A.O.)

Love:

MRInal A.K.A. Princess Caspian

The dumbasses in my life!

It's been long since I posted my last post. So in the new year though I dont have any particular topic to write, but still I have to do the "SHRI GANESH" and what better toppic there can be!!!By the word 'dumbass' one might think that m going to talk about people I who dislike me but here the matter is the other way round!Here m going to tell you about my '5' favorite people apart from my family.
These '5' unfortunate people are my best friends! Probably someday...sometime I did something very good that god has given me the most wonderful gifts he ever made -love of best friends. Some people dont even have ONE best friend and I have '5' (LOL)..TOUCHWOOD!
I'll start with metioning their names:
1. Sanjukta (who hates my blog)
2. Shweta (never reads my blog)
3. Shivangi (not interested)
4. Apurva (kind of likes my blog)
5. Manan (reads my blog just for MY satisfaction)

1. Sanjukta actually hates my blog because according to her there is absolutly nothing worth reading or interesting in it. Apart from this I'v written so much about her in my blog earlier that even if I write more about her it'll be less. I thank her for being always there when I'v needed someone without telling the problem , well she always knows whenever I'm sad or depressed, I dont know HOW! but she ALWAYS knows! Thankyou Sanju for being there always and I hope and wish that you'll always be there!!

2. We talk in months and months but there is NO formality! as though we just met yesterday!I cant remember the day when I met Shweta but as far as I remember she's been there around me like forever and it seems she'll be there forevermore! We share the same thoughts, same ideologies, the same tastes.....but we are still the two ends of a friendship who'll make sure that THIS friendship never breaks.

3. We talk like once in a year!(lol)...still the bond has lasted. Though we both are leos we are entirly different TO THE CORE!!I cant say much about her because Shivangi is a personality of less words and more actions. She is one modest person who NEVER takes a compliment and breaks anyones head who calls her pretty (lol).A personality of unconditional love and happiness....just be the way you are and you'll reach the goal you'v set for yourself!!!

4. I love you...I love you...I love you!! Ahem ahem...no no Apurva is'nt my lesbial partner...we are both straight...my love for her increases everytime, everyday, every hour! She is the one with whom my humor actually matches...though she is better than me. WE are potter freaks so mind you never talk any kind of shit about Potter books!We love tom...hurray he is mine now!! and her brother(lol)....She is a person about whom I'v tried writing so many times and I cant do justice to her personality and even if I try again I know I'll fail...so try to know her yourself and you'll know what you'v been missing in your life!TO APURVA:-dont ever try and forget me , anyways I'll never let you forget me!!!hahahahahahahahaha[evil laugh]

5. MANAN SHARMA-:new on the block!!He is my brand new best friend though I dont know whether I am his best friend or not. But anyways, it is DAMN difficult to explain or describe him. He is absolutly complicated, actually he creats these complications for himself (I can tell you, m experienced). Ohk apart from that on the friendship front I can keep my hand on the 'geeta' and say that there never existed a mixture of fun, emotions, laughter, melodrama, confusion and cheapness(lol)...delete the last part! He was there when I wanted someone to just hear me out and not blame me, he was there when everone else was busy, he was there to make me laugh in tears and he has been there since then! Thankyou Manan for everything. Though you dont CARE!lol....AND I promise you'll get JUST the right person when the right time comes because believe it or not untill the right time nither I nor you can do anything about it!(hope u got what m talking about).

**I believe in angelz**

Sometimes I question myself>>>>am I so lucky?And sometimes m forced to think>>>>what the hell such a shitty luck I have!

Sorry for using *abusive* lingo!But its MY age, I am supposed to use it!

So the luckiest thing is that I have so many people whom I can say "they" really lurv me despite of everything.

The very first photo is Apurva n' me...I'v told abt her earlier; so no more discriptions!She is a ''all time available'' backup for me! She is always there to help me out even if she does'nt want to! LOL

The second photo is of Sanjukta and me!

One thing that i did not tell about her was that this girl has tolerated me for almost 7 years now! That's the longest period after my parents and my sister!Though we are absolutly OPPOSITE...and till this date after ALMOST 7 years I can't say that I really know her. It's like ,though I know everything (almost) about her still I cannot tell what exactly she thinks. All in all we differ in any and every way!! But still i love her and i guess THAT is what matters and ofcourse the chocolate cake! Correct me if m wrong **wink wink**!

SO, is'nt she pretty?? That's my chubby wobby sister! If I'd say I love her it would be a HUGE insult to her because love seems to be such a tiny-mini word to express the love-hate relationship she and I share. Though she is such a idiot and eww kinda gurl but she is so goddamn USEful..hahaha...what did u expect??hahaha...ohk ahem ahem on the SERIOUS note: she is like the goddess of my live. People cannot se god, I can ! She has made some of the most impossible things possible for me. She is like this shining star in the bright 'moony' night, in which there is happiness and I cannot see it but SHE makes me see it! She can be a dictator though and a big time bitch if in one of her moods! She has these huge mood swings, they are worse than my mood swings (just imagin!).Thank you Sachi di(A.K.A. *PuRpLe PrInCeSs*) for being there ,otherwise it was almost impossible to bring her back to ab-normal after those mood swings!(LOL) But we share a bond in which even if i say 'I hate u' that is b'coz I love her and same the other way round!!

NOW the person who'll be reading this will be thinking if this gurl (my sister A.K.A. Ankur..haha) is SO important in my life why is she AT the end...well this so b'coz it's hard talking about her ,the complexcity of our relationship is so HUGE that words are not enough to talk about her. So to end it I'll say :YOU ROCK ^GrEeN QuEeN^!!

Apart from her and my parents the new member of our family is the someone who brings a smile on my father's face as well (one of the most NOT-possible things) when he is really angry! And that someone is Chilli THE BILLI!!! Our kitten! Her Photo'll tell you how cute she IS!! Chilli has become the life of our whole family in only one month!!

I think that's enough about such a prominent personality!!**wink wink**

something that is ''everything''

The something dat z everything to me is MY frndz... well its been a long long tym since my parents have been trying to make me understand the FACT that in this cruel world no one is urz....one has to make his own space by pulling the other down!!and that is wat every one does... but MY nature being somewhat ''out of the way'' I hv never paid heed to this perticular advice!i love making frnz and thank goodness i hve some of the worldz most wonderful frndz in my life!!

SO lemme start with the my bestest frnd...:SANJUKTA BASU a proud bengali, a total arien, a topper in olmost every field, and most of ol a wonderful humanbeing. You can expect everyting gud d worldz' got to offer frm her....she has taken me out of sm of the most tight spots, sm of d most worrisome areas and guess wat she has the perfect solution to every god-damn problem o' mine!!!wordz arnt enough to discribe her, space z definatly nt enough....its difficult to define a person in whom u never see a fault ....ohk i'll confess der IS one fault in her she z damn IRRITATING.....dat too many a times NOT just at tymz!!yeh seriously at tymz gives dese bloody (sry fr using such words but de cn only describe d true feeling...hehe) silly jokes on which one does'nt feels lyk even smiling!!!rather starts crying to make her realise wat "wrong thing" she has done. Ohk no more complaints a bt her and m sure she agrees wid me to ol d above mentioned thingz!!

now APURVA...to b cute APPUZ D PAPPUZ...sry honey for making 't public but 'ts cho cute!again a great personality few words, space less and smwhat nt possible to say ANYTHING abt her.... still i'll try....she z a true aquarian>humanitarian>>lovable>>>adorable>>>>cute chubz>>>>>my helping hand>>>>>>a doggie lover>>>>>>>.....we'v got so much in common and i guess equally disagree at as many topics!!!! she noes certain things i m never able to tell anyone but hv dicussed and found solutions to dem...AND she noes certain things dat everyone noes !!hahaha....just another stupid pj o' mine!!!!NEVERMIND...........................m never able to do justice to ppl i love...

hmm...i cant go on wid ol o' my GREAT frndz name by name but i'll genralise dere luvey dovey nature and ofcrs mention sm o' dere names.....i say sry in d beginning itself if i forget ne one!!nad as i'll never stop making frndz i'll keep updating this post!!lolz......so d pest part of ol o' dem is dat THEY TOLERATE ME and thats enough....bearing me is enough to make ol of these ppl **great**!

SO here goes d list...

Ankur

Sanjukta

Apurva

Chiara

Rachit

Manan

Shivangi

Shweta

Harshita

Arunima

Aastha

Aashita

Ritika

Anchal

Sparshita

.......i guess i'll stop here or i'll never!!!

[P.S. I still miss Nishtha...]