Friendship goes 'off-the-wall'

Warning :This post is absolutely random.

Why do sometimes friends make you feel that YOU are not their friend? Why do friends make you feel alone in traffic? Why is there always a feeling that whenever or wherever you'll turn there 'swine-flu' waiting for you and you cannot be saved?

WHY are these useless questions popping on your mind when your 'supposed' best friend is 'supposed' to be there ALL the time for you?

Well I have no idea why I am writing this but I guess now that I don't have enough courage to blurt out whatever I want to say I'll use my blog to do my work. Usually I go ahead and say whatever I want to say on the person's face. But after a long long time I feel I cannot do my best part! So here I go...I won't mention any name as I am considering that the person I am referring is going to read this SOME day and won't take it badly (the later part is what that is bothering me the most).

Ohkay we don't meet 'everyday', ohkay we are no more in 'same class' or anywhere near it that is to say not even in same college..and don't mind me saying this it's fine with me that I am not as intelligent as you are, but how does it affect our friendship? As I know it is being affected. I have no idea how you feel about me now, you've become so unpredictable these days. I wonder weather you feel the same or not. I am not saying that I might not have changed, I might have as a matter of fact. But what I am questioning is how does all this matter in the end? We were supposed to friends, right? You were supposed to tell me everything first hand. You were supposed to tell me every time whenever you felt down. But you never did, saying that you don't tell people about your feelings...well when did you start counting me in 'people'? Wasn't I your best friend?

Even a simple message or missed call would have sent the message across that you were not fine or whatever the problem might have been! Alright I am what everyone says 'a kanjoos' but believe me whenever my friends have needed me I've always called! There is a whole lot more to say but I guess I put across the message quite clearly for the time being. I don't know what exactly makes me feel the way I do right now, but there are a whole lot of things.

I have not the minutest of idea how are you going to feel when you read this, I know all this is pretty rash...but I just felt doing this as I cannot say it on your face. So please forgive me for everything I said, and for whatever I did tho make you behave the way you do towards me.

Sorry, yet again.

Solving the Past

The feeling that I dread the most is:

Loneliness.

The very thought of it makes me feel

Alone.

All this while

I kept questioning.

Why do people I love

cast me out of their life?

To this there is NO answer.

And when recently I lost another person,

I thought, why am I not feeling the loss?

Probably I saw it coming.

Probably I myself allowed it to happen.

Probably the person was NOT mine,

thus how could I loose him/her?

It is hard to let go somebody you love.

But I realised probably neither of us could ever be happy

if we stayed together.

This feeling of loosing did not fall on me like a bomb.

It was more like dusk.

I knew it was going to happen,

I knew I could not prevent it,

I knew it is the right thing.....because

I realised that person never reciprocated my feelings.

And when I turn to my past

I understand I myself never really felt the way I thought I felt!

That was complicated.

Another thing, the feeling was not complicated.

It was I who made the whole situation so complicated.

No. I am not talking about any boyfriend.

I lost a Best Friend.

Whom 'I' thought was my Best Friend,

but finally realized it was NEVER so.

For the first time I am not sad for such a thing.

Know why?

Because I, myself never thought she/he was my Best Friend.

Deep down in my heart I knew this relationship is fake,

but was afraid of acknowledging the truth.

And today I have the naked truth dancing in front of my eyes!

I still talk to her

but

not the same way.

The bogus feeling still exists.

No we are not friends any more....

We are just...

someone....

A Chapter and A Life

A STORY....

A chapter
and a life.

Nice morning is'nt it? Well, i feel hungry and this strange creature is not even bothered! Are u seeing this god? If not food then I'll hunt for a family i suppose.
A 4 month old kitten was roaming around a temple and thinking all this (i suppose).He is talking to God AND God seems to be on a one to one relation with him!
Look!there comes a same type of creature, she seems to be nice does'nt she? 'Child you just got the right person, but you'll have to deal with the consequences.' said God. So here I go!Ohk now, she's SO strange, she's holding her hands together and standing in front of God.
The kitten goes and stands beside this woman. The woman pats him on his head and walks away.
Ohk I guess this is not gonna be simple(so he starts following the woman).The woman picks him up.
Oh NO!i want to walk!(the kitten struggles and the woman lets him down and he follows her so she pics him again being afraid of dogs.And brings him HOME.)

Hmmmm...not bad. Two more strange creatures and another MORE strange one. I can handle this!(the woman introduces the kitten to all the members of he family..2 daughters and her husband. Then pours some milk and gives it to the kitten.) yummmmmmmmm...FOOD!I love you mummy...

5 months pass...

its SO cold....n m feeling so lazy...and hv'nt got the strength to get up...donno what's wrong...something in my stomach keeps on pinching me...oh mummy its paining!!(the woman tries everything food to medicines...no improvement)...

The kitten died without knowing the reason as to why did he have to suffer so much...and leving the family devastated...every member of the family feels it's their fault...but THAT wont bring the kid back..the kitten came to the family at the time when its members were going through emotional crises...he helped every member...without even knowing what he was doing....I can't speak for all the members of the family..but there is this teenage girl who sees her mother going through her daily chores and a saddening line permanently embeded on her face, a father who would'nt speak out his feelings and an elder sisterwho just can't stop crying.
The li'l baby had made so much difference in thier lives that its next to impossible to put the thought away that their dearest member will never come and sit on their laps, brush against their legs, and not turn the house up side down anymore...
The kitten suffered so much and fought against death till the last moment unaware that its not death calling him, its god calling his angel back 'coz their som family who is in more need of him now....

This kitten was 'CHILLI' my baby,I donno why but i feel like he died coz of me...i never take my stand firmly...only if I had forced my father to take him to the doctor may be that kid would have been sitting right next to me and playing with me..............
We love you chilli, and will always....u made it sure....you were a chapter in our lives but we were your entire life....that is what everyone keeps on tellig us...all i'd like to add to this is that...YOU are the best chapter in our lives and I love to coming back to this chapter and wishing my life would have ended with this very chapter....

[P.S. : That's big time melodrama...but its true...]

[P.S. : I love you]