Sometimes

There are times when I want

Nay, I need 

to be alone, and just hide and cry.

And yet wishing

Someone would see my tears

And try to just

dry 'em

making them precious jems.

....And the tears come faster.

Suddenly all those memories

Lovely memories rush though my mind.

Knowingly yet unknowingly

that angel up there is sad,

because I am...

So I make my night wish

Not to God,

But to my angel.

"Take me, when my time comes,

...and may my time come...

Before my loved one's."

Every time
We are reminded
of where we are headed
despite the fact, that we can't help it.

Seasons change outside
Never to be the same,
Or to come back...
Like a tide.
So alone,
Just trying to store
Some of the memories
Of my happy diary.

So alone,
I wait.
For there is nothing to be done.
Waiting for the next disaster to strike,
Or the next memory I can strore,
Or....keep trying to forget
That I'm alone.
Right here.
Waiting,
For the painting
Full of colors
That fate might have been planing
To paint
But instead,
Sucked all the colors by a straw
leaving it, as a 'pending file'.

Oh despair! Go away!
Give joy some way.
Make life what it is meant to be.
And then. maybe,
My 'file' will be brought down that dusty shack,
and given the spark,
the splash of rainbow
filling in the cracks.

Oh yes.
I'll be happy again.



But when?

For we are never 'alone'

An evening with orange sun,
Pink ringlets in the blue-white horizon,
A bird chirping happily,
That! there is a reason to live.

A smile on a stranger's face,
Leaving a smile on my face,
Like a trace,
That! there is a reason to live.

A kid waving across the street,
Brightens the moment like
candles in darkness,
That! there is a reason to live.

A long drive
without destination.
Running out of gas,
A favorite song playing on the radio,
Buying random things on random stops,
Looking at fellow travelers,
A passing wave
On the highway
A cute guy looking for lift
That is life in a jist.
For we are never alone.
For in being alone also, there are others who are alone.
This is,
A reason to live.

I Realized It Not Today

Not today,
Not yesterday,
I've been alone everyday.

And I realized it not today.

Last friends,
Down the river bends.
Made friends,
None making it to the end.

And I realized it not today.

The Jungle Girl

Ten million fire flies
Two million green lush trees
Three million fishes in the river near by
Four million autumn leaves

My Jungle.

Love, a lot of it.
Envy, not a bit.
Friends, lots of them.
Enemies, can't tolerate them.

My Jungle.

'M the Protectress.
'M the Queen.
'M the Keeper.
'M the Owner.
'M the laborer.

My Jungle.
I live in it;
and no one dare lay a finger on my sanctuary.

I Want To Live Again

I feel the fresh air
I feel the wind whispering through my hair
I feel like the morning dew
I feel new

I feel I am born again
I want to live again

No clue where my heart is
No clue where I am
No limitations
No restrictions

I feel I am born again
I want to live again

I feel like running through fields
I feel like climbing top of the hills
I feel like flying with the raven in the sky
I feel like dancing with the moon
I feel like exploring the unexplored
I feel like going beyond the world

I feel I am born again
I want to live again.

I want to find light in the dark
I want to reach out and hold the sun

I want to flow with the river
I want to fall with the waterfall
I want to rise with the wave

I want to zoom like a canon ball
I want to sprint like a leopard

I feel new

I feel I am born again

I want to live again!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Tied with a golden thread

Strengthened with love

Brighter than the sun ray

That's friendship.

Unconditional love

Never ending hope

A true hearts' wish

That's friendship.

Enchanting

Fantastic

Exquisite

Cherished

Marvelous

are some words that 'may' describe F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Happy Friendships Day to all my friends.

Long live 'US'.

The Golden Friends...with a touch of gray.

Open your eyes

come out in the twilight

Drain in the beauty

and prepare yourself

for the

New Moon tomorrow night.

Dear 'S'

I know how you feel, but can you stop being an ass for ONCE? Why are you so determined to ruin yourself? Can't you see? We are better off without those freaking bitches!

Dear Bitch 'A'

Why the hell do you always want to prove me wrong? There are better ways to speak YOUR mind! But NO you HAVE to make me look like a donkey in a horse race!

Dear Fucking Bitch 'S'

Yes of course there are better ways to make someone understand, but here we are talking about YOU! You are not someone! So now do you get the point?

Dear 'A'

Of I do. You always catch me on my fall.

It is not easy to define friendship. But in all my experiences with friends these were the weirdest (if that is a word, which I doubt). They are the most fascinating pair of friends I've ever seen (though I must say I have not seen much). They are the best of friends, and guess what they are each others worst enemies. I am not sure if I am right in saying that, but so it seems. But what ever may come they have been there for each other, always.

A Unicorn Shines

It's blood saves lives.

A phoenix burns to

Come back to life.

A Centure reads the sky

to unfold the future.

A Creative soul

lives, burns and unfolds

the mystery of Thee.

There's is the best relationship I've ever seen. They are like two different souls yet same. It is like having a best friend, and everything that is not a 'best friend'. I won't leak the names, because if I do I might just betray their trust. Well it is one of my stupid superstitions.

A Beautiful Mind

is hard to find.

A Caring Heart

is always heard.

A Helping Hand

is not slippery as sand.

A creative Soul

is like a morning song.

I love the two creative souls even if I always say I do not. The touch of gray just adds to the spark they create.You two are like the splashes of the cold water in this freaking summer that just adds to the enjoyment list.

[P.S. : TOUCHWOOD]

It Is All Fine

Running from the past

Never helped, Still

the hope stayed, that

the moment would pass.

The feeling so inaccurate.

The only feeling that seem to clear

is Disappointment, in self.

Diary of a teenager

I sit here on my bed today, and feel so helpless. Writing down my feelings has become my ultimate escape from reality for short durations. Though these escapes are haunted by the past. I have never been good at expressing myself, and writing is something at which I have sucked my entire life.

After an year of the fateful day it does not help if I say 'it was the right thing to do', or 'I miss you' (because that is a lie ) or even if I try to convince myself not to think about that day (even when I am not sure which exact day or date it was, but it definatly happened around this time).

Ah, I got carried away. Today finally I have decided to say it (or write in this case) all out loud.

The dust of the past still lingers in my eyes. If I rub them it hurts, if I let it be it irritates. I know there are other solutions to it, but I have not been the least bit of rational in past few months. So here is the long story told short:

A guy tried to woo me for four months I did not notice. AT ALL. Then finally when I did, I did not believe it. He was (is) far too cute! And all those questions about why would a guy like him would ever like me? started popping up. Then he proposed. I said yes. Not right away though. He behaved like a perfect boyfriend. But still I did not believe it...why the hell would he like ME? Then he started working. TIME. No talks. No meetings. I thought he did not like me anymore. I got irritated and broke up. He did not say a word.

A month later he says: You don't call anymore...?

THE END.

This is my side of the story. The only problem I could locate in him was that he was a drunkard. But that's no reason to hate such a cute guy! I can not bring myself to forget him. I can't talk to him, because I get super nervous around him. For example the last time he called I started crying like a freak for no reason.

Since then I haven't had any guy in my life, of course apart from my father and best friend. I try blaming that on the fact that I am in a girls college, but that is again no reason for not exploring my options. Not that I am desperate for another boyfriend or something. The problem is I have NO idea what is going on! I have no idea where this is going. It was not all that 'deep love' sort of thing, come to think of it it was not even love.

OH GOD! This is freaking me out!

I seriously want to get over all this. High time. But nothing seem to be helping. Not even TOM!

[P.S. : 1) I have had a crush on Thomas Andrew Felton ever since I was 14 years old.

2) The title is 'It Is All Fine' because whenever a girl says the word 'fine' that is a clear enough indication that 'nothing' is fine.]

Lost Childhood

Closed doors

Suppressed roars

Broken paths

Live's a wrath.

Cramped rooms

Thousand mates

Narrow streets

Late at nights.

Black rays

Make us stray.

Disconnected gaze

For the mighty gaze.

Unfinished promises

Make us go insane.

Shattering faith,

They call it sane!

We have no right.

We have no duty.

We have no life.

We have no hope.

Strange though it is:

We never had Life,

How can we know it?

We never had faith,

How can we see it?

So how can we loose something

When we never had it?

Still there is a hailstorm inside our hearts.

Did we loose something?

Was it our childhood

Was it our Birth right??

[ P.S. : Congratulation Sunshine!....Hope you like it.]

Solving the Past

The feeling that I dread the most is:

Loneliness.

The very thought of it makes me feel

Alone.

All this while

I kept questioning.

Why do people I love

cast me out of their life?

To this there is NO answer.

And when recently I lost another person,

I thought, why am I not feeling the loss?

Probably I saw it coming.

Probably I myself allowed it to happen.

Probably the person was NOT mine,

thus how could I loose him/her?

It is hard to let go somebody you love.

But I realised probably neither of us could ever be happy

if we stayed together.

This feeling of loosing did not fall on me like a bomb.

It was more like dusk.

I knew it was going to happen,

I knew I could not prevent it,

I knew it is the right thing.....because

I realised that person never reciprocated my feelings.

And when I turn to my past

I understand I myself never really felt the way I thought I felt!

That was complicated.

Another thing, the feeling was not complicated.

It was I who made the whole situation so complicated.

No. I am not talking about any boyfriend.

I lost a Best Friend.

Whom 'I' thought was my Best Friend,

but finally realized it was NEVER so.

For the first time I am not sad for such a thing.

Know why?

Because I, myself never thought she/he was my Best Friend.

Deep down in my heart I knew this relationship is fake,

but was afraid of acknowledging the truth.

And today I have the naked truth dancing in front of my eyes!

I still talk to her

but

not the same way.

The bogus feeling still exists.

No we are not friends any more....

We are just...

someone....

Re-Discovering Self

I thought

I'd forgotten love

None the less

I thought I'd forgotten myself.

The thunderstorm surging outside

Reminds me the stillness inside.

And when I think of it

'M shocked to realise

I've kept myself closed

Finding myself padlocked on the road of life.

I face the thunderstorm.

I ask it-"What can I do to undo the past?"

It roars.

I get my answer.

I turn to face the 'inside'

I pick the brush that has dried over the year

I choose Red, Green and Blue

I try to shape my thoughts into it

'Not bad'- I think

And another realisation dawns

What I've missed of all

The colors!

I make colors now

Vibrant-Violet.

Soft- Mauve.

Harsh- Forest green.

Adventure- Turquoise.

The tree of life,

full of little lives,

each lived one at a time.

The ocean of love,

full with drops of love,

each drunk at a time.

The mountain of passion,

where the river flows

making its way through trees

to join the ocean.

I Re-Discover the lost self

In doing so I learn

What 'Re-Birth' is all about.

'M born

AGAIN.

True Colours

Fake, I shouldn't be.

Wannabe, I might be.

Original, I want to be.

No.No.

Not a fake surely.

No.No.

Not a wannabe.

I 'm what I was,

what I 'm, and

what I want to be.

Evil?Possibly!

Angel! They call me!

Different 'm truly.

Laughing? Funny, I might be.

But one thing is sure:

Original, I want to be.

I know

I 'm what I want to be.

Mother

You brought me to this world

with a vocation in:

Love, passion and

Compassion.

Holding and nourishing me

In your gentle arms

Telling me the Cinderella Story

Giving me the love Cinderella* was deprived of,

and a Anestassia* never thought of.

You make sure

That I get the the pick of the bunch.

You think of my future

As a fantasy come true,

of which Bell** is surprised too.

You never asked for any thing

But my Happiness.

You never wanted anything

But my Success.

You are Sun.

You are the Moon.

You the Rain.

You are the train

that leads to the right station without delay.

You are the highest mountain,

You are the largest ocean,

You are the wishing pond,

You are the Phoenix song.

You are the Hope.

I thank you Mother

for the Castle of Love,

for the love Cinderella was denied,

for the the dream that Bell only dreamed,

for the strength of Mulan***.

Thank you Mother

for

Everything.

[*Cinderella is the heroine of the fairy tale 'Cinderella' and Anestassia was her step sister.

**Bell is the heroine of the fairy tale 'Beauty and the Beast'

***Mulan is the heroine of the fairy tale 'Mulan'.]

Thanks To You

'M fine
Thanks to you.

I eat
I talk
I sleep
I survive
Thanks to you.

BUT
As I walk today
On the Highway
searching
for a way
by the way on which
I will stumble upon
someday,
I feel
a feeling I cannot apprehend.
I feel happy, for sure
I feel unsure
too.
A question
keeps buzzing
Am I really happy?
Or
is it yet another illusion?
Which creats confusion!

But yes
I know
I HAVE to be happy
content, high on spirits
as superfluous things
make everything
abysmal.

So,
'M fortunate
to have
whatever I have.

And for all this
I
thank you
the Angel above
guiding my life
and fighting my
obnoxious self.

Dear Angel,
Thanks to you
I survive
that too,
as good luck would have it.

One Love :))

Well people have the ability to love loads of things, people, etc. And in that case I am NORMAL!!I love loads of things...and my list is ENDLESS! So in short I love ALmost EVERYthing in this world! Just a small example before I start off with the main topic, I don't understand how people say that they like this movie or that movie, I mean I like ALL movies I watch, after all movies(except the REALLY bad ones, of course) have their bads and goods...right?I like something or the other about every movie and DON'T like certain things about them as well; take the example of the movie i
watched for the 100th time today THE "DDLJ"!!I mean its SUCH A MELODRAMATIC movie. I hate the way that mother keeps on tell her poor daughter(Simran) that she'll have to sacrifice her happiness and all the crap ALL the time- JUST BECAUSE she is a GIRL !!for god sake! I just can't take that shit! AND the famous K-K-K-K-K-Kiran style of SRK it irritates me BIG TIME! But then this movie is SO beautifully picturised i just can't help watching it again and again!

I hope the point is clear now. :)

I've always loved animals as a mater of fact even insects(that is how weird I can be)!But to confronting them has always been difficult for me. Everyone loves some animal or other, most like dogs, others lions-tigers-leopards-and many other. And 'm NO different in this case! I love the smallest member of the cat family!

CATS! I now some people think cats aren't good. So I'd like to advise 'these' people that just go try and become friends with them and you'll realise how lovable the are!

I'll tell you through my own experience. My relatives have ALWAYS had cats as pets and whenever I went to meet them I used to ask them to PLEASE keep them away from me. I was SO scared of them!I never tried to even go and say a simple hello to them! And then one day my mum got a li'l kitten home! I completely fell in love with him (Chilli, A he-cat). I couldn't help it! And now that he is gone he has taught me all animals are special, it's just US who make them 'seem' scary! He became one of the loves in my life and probably the one I claim to love more than ANYBODY (yes! more than I love my parents)! THIS is Chilli:

All I want to convey through this post is that every animal has feelings, don't drive them away, they just want love which WE have in abundance to give but don't give due to our selfishness and meanness. And 'M telling you your loving them is not a waste as animals can be humans BEST friend...they'll love you UNCONDITIONALLY, without question, without doubt, and without reasoning! They'll JUST love you!

[P.S. :The first two photos are of my relative's cats (Patloo and Saadhu).]
[P.P.S. : I love load of other things as well, just to add, for example chocolates, cakes, ice-creams, watermelons, walnut brownies, the word 'FREAKING', Ron Weasley, Edward Cullen, movies(as one must have guessed by now), etc...etc..etc. ]

OH NO - NOT AGAIN!!

AGAIN

that's a word which has

become the most prominent 'feature'

of my life, lately.

AGAIN

everything seems to be

related to THE past

I

most unwillingly wish

would never had been

THE past!

As this very past has made

THE present 'm living today.

And

probably will be living in

THE future!

What the **** did

I

do to get THIS?!!

SO now

every corner, every road

every place scares me.

Making me run

to somewhere where there is

NOwhere!

Everything that reminds me

of all that, though

I turn my back

It's impossible to

DO so!

I always wish,

that

I had the courage

I boast of.

Oh I feel so guilty

of everything, that

logically i should be

DOING.

I'm guilty, I feel

ashamed of everything,

of which

I should'nt be!

ALL this ends with only one word:

CONFUSED!

Dreams that I dream of....

Every now and then
I see a dream,
I feel a dream,
every now now and then

I wish this dream.

Every now and then
there is a strong desire
of living this reverie
where I see my self
near a pond so blue, under a stary night
surrounded by lilies, and deep green woods all around.

I feel my heart racing
as I see him coming out of the woods
so tall and lean

the expression on his face
makes me skip a beat
though un-undersatandable
I wonder what it means

As he approches
I close my eyes
and look above the heavens
and say a silent prayer
to never to open my eyes again

But the irony is
every night my dream ends there
as I open my eyes to the world,
to the real ,
to the unquestionale justice,
that was made by the mighty up above

I dream this dream
every now and then
but at the end I realise
his sincere verdict as he says:
''dont live in your past,there is a reason it did not make to your future''.

Thus I give my consent

as nothing can be done.

Only , deep down in my heart

I wish that there might be something

that could be done!